Taking responsibility....and grief

So, I keep talking about anger,sadness, and disappointment.  Maybe I haven't said the word disappointment, but I've felt it.  I feel as though I'm angry at other people and situations.  I'm saddened by events and occurrences....some that are out of my control, some that are maybe within my control to some degree. 

I've felt disappointment.  Disappointment in myself, often.  Disappointment in others, often enough.  The disappointment in myself can range from all the food I felt I ate in a day that was "wrong", to the way I look, to the way I might have behaved in a situation.  Disappointment in others, well, it could be at the way I was treated, or at the feeling of rejection or of not being "good enough, skinny enough....just about anything enough". 

But today I thought about it and I need to stop blaming everyone else, or holding them responsible for the way I feel.  Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".  How true is that???  And I have that on a magnet on my refrigerator and I don't read it, I see it, but I don't read it.  And if I'm not reading it, how can I be living it?  So it's time for me to take responsibility for the way I feel about myself.  It's not the job of my husband to make me feel good, it's not the job of my family to talk to me the way I think they should.  I need to figure out how to take responsibility for my own emotions and not give consent to anyone or anything to make me feel inferior.

But a part of this post is grief.  Grief is a feeling beyond control, mine or anyone's.  Grief for a lost baby girl, for a dream lost.  And what triggers it...who knows?  Today, the fact that a wonderful friend of mine is having her baby tonight....and mine is in heaven.  Not fair in any book.  I'm so unbelievably sad that I can't even find the words for it.  So I will cry, and I will grieve....again.  How much grief is too much?  How long is too long?  I just don't know....for that, I can't take responsibility.