I'm frustrated.  I'm frustrated that I am not making any progress with myself physically, and it's like a vicious cycle.  I feel totally unsexy, unattractive and to some degree....unhealthy.  So, what do I do to make myself feel better?  Well, I eat, I mope and I totally back off from asking for what I want.  And that is so not me, but it seems to be more that way than ever before since my "previous life". 

I have lost all confidence....in myself physically and sexually.  That's it.  I guess that frustrates me more than anything...usually if things are slow, I don't hesitate to jump in and get things started.  This time last year, I was showing up unexpectedly for afternoon fun and without thought to what might any opinion might be of my behaviour OR my body.  But not now.  I don't know, it's a vicious cycle....and I need to get off the ugly wheel of it before it gets worse.  I have to.