Being thankful

So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I have a lot to be thankful for, my husband, my children, our health, our extended families and our jobs.  But this Thanksgiving, I'm also thankful for surviving.

Yes, surviving.  That could be in regards to the last year, the last 6 months, and the last week.  This time last year I was an emotional wreck, partially (mostly) my own doing, but a wreck nonetheless.  April and May had their extreme sadness and September with it's own drama.  I feel like I've done a lot of backwards movement, but lately, the forward movement is finally getting more attention and is gaining ground.  I'm thankful that I have a husband who, despite being so frustrated with me, stuck by me and heard me out.  I'm thankful that he gave me the space and the support to seek the help that I needed, and I'm thankful that I used both. 

I'm so thankful for the hugs my boys give me randomly, as well as when we greet and have to leave one another. I'm thankful that they say "I love you" to me, my husband and each other at odd moments and with complete and total trust that it is returned, and without embarrassment or shyness.  I'm thankful that every night when my husband and I climb into bed, we kiss goodnight and hold hands or touch as we fall asleep. 

It's also been a year of surprises and discoveries.  Surprises like finding a brother, old friends and new ones where I never expected.  And of finding in myself talents and strengths I never knew I had.  And discoveries of new family members, new emotions and personalities.  I'm thankful that I've been able to witness and experience these, both on my own and with my family.

And I'm thankful for finding my voice.  For facing many of my fears and determining how I needed to handle adversity.  I'm not 100% at using my voice yet, I still scare myself with the possible repercussions of saying what I might really mean, or really want, but baby steps....it might just be a whisper for now, but I hope it will get louder.  But I've used it to confront old family issues, raise new ones and to stand up for myself. 

So I'm thankful for a lot of things, a lot of people and a lot of experiences.  But mostly, I'm thankful that I was here to see and be a part of it all.  And to share it with the people I have.  I'm going to try to spend my day remembering that.