Following Through

So I did it.

Last night I got online to check out meeting times/places for a place that I felt I needed to go today.  A place to help me get a handle on where I am, what I need to do and why the hell I can't do it on my own.  I was all jazzed up, got the information and went to bed with all the intentions of heading out at 7:00am to get there.

Well, this morning came and I thought "Eh, I can go next week".  But the realization hit that if I didn't go today, I wouldn't go next week, and I probably really wouldn't ever go.  So I got up, I got dressed, kissed my boys good bye and headed down the hill.

Let's call my destination "Out of Control Eaters Unite".  To be honest, I got within a mile and suddenly felt mortified and angst ridden and humiliated and might even have had a few heart palpitations.  After a text exchange with my husband, I regained my "ooomph" and off I went.  I'd love to say that I swooped in full of confidence and "let's get this thing going", but as I met all these really nice recovered out of control eaters, I was eaten alive with guilt at the fact that I had stopped for a supreme croissant from Jack in The Box on the way.  I was waiting for someone to smell the grease on my breath and shout "FRAUD!!!"  (Yes, J.I.B. breakfasts HAVE to stop.)

But curiously, they didn't.  They welcomed me with open arms and treated me as the winner of a contest for having walked in that door.  I was introduced with the 3 other brave newcomers and we sat and listened to the stories of the struggles of others, the successes and the way they battled their day to day demons. 

I was so inspired.  I felt like this was something I could do!!!  I finally felt as if someone got it. Someone understood the weird things I'd been doing (sneaking food, stashing food, coveting and dreaming of food) and didn't think I was insane.  They got it.  I'm really excited about the process and program with this group, I especially think that the support and understanding from them will help me be successful in my own goals.  Not that it's going to be easy....I mean, I had to pass up pizza and ice cream at Costco today.  But check this out:  I'm still here! I didn't melt into a puddle because I didn't have it.  Yay for me! 

That's Day One.  Lots more to come!