It's been so long since I've actively typed in here, and starting my 30 day challenge to find my Muchness has got me thinking. I'm enjoying that process, I'm learning a lot about myself, but in all honesty, I think I need a LOT more than 30 days to sort out the swirl in my brain.
I am finding myself more able and willing to look at things differently. Simple things such as not caring if someone got ahead of me in line, or having to wait an extra few minutes for something. I find those extra moments to be a small bonus in my day, an extra bit of time to take in the sights, sounds and smells around me. Is that always good? Not exactly, but I noticed them. I would never have noticed them before.
I also find myself being a tiny bit blah though at the same time. But it's an emotional blah, not a lack of muchness, if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like maybe things aren't going just exactly the way I want or expect them to. And I get that this will be the case often, I have small children and a full time job, flexibility HAS to be a way of life. But more emotionally. And physically. Physically is a big one, because if I don't feel happy physically, I feel crappy emotionally. It's all tied together and I'm having a hell of time getting balance this last week or so. Where the hell is my ability to just go for it? To just ask??? Kind of back to square one in some regards.
Who knows, but at least this time I'm asking the questions instead of putting on a face. They're tough questions in my head and maybe, just maybe, I'll get the courage to ask them out loud. Maybe.
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