New Rules....New Spaces

****this is a late published post from 12/9/15****

So far so good.

I'm working from home today, and this new space creates a need for new rules.  I have a pantry and a refrigerator and they're only feet from where I'm sitting.  This is where planning is crucial.

Last night I went to the grocery store and I bought fresh fruit, baby cucumbers and carrots, yogurt and planned a dinner that would leave me healthy leftovers for lunch.  And so far, so good!  I made a healthy breakfast, snacked on my cucumbers and carrots, ate my leftovers and a yogurt for dessert.  And I have had a LOT of water today, at home it's easy to grab a Diet Coke, but so far, nearly 9 glasses of water.  Feeling pretty dang proud of that, and not raiding the seemingly never ending supply of kids Halloween candy.

Between this success today, and the consistent gym and walking workouts this week, I'm feeling pretty damn good.

Temptation and Impulse Control

To go back to last night, it wasn't horrible.  I ate more than I should have, but not near as much as I would have before, or could have.  That being said, I was stuffed and it didn't feel good.  Note to self.

We have a "Healthy Trails" walking challenge at work that sends us daily emails about health, exercise, etc and the title today couldn't be more appropriate:  Impulse Control.  A good reminder to stick with my plan today which is "If I didn't bring it, I don't eat it".  But it's not always easy because there are lots of nice treats and meeting leftover goodies laying around that are so, so tempting.

In the area where my cubicle is, there is a table that is dedicated just to food.  Anything anyone brings gets put on that table for anyone to enjoy.  I lucked out and got an apple there yesterday, but today, someone brought some kind of dip and crackers.  I thought, "hmmmmmmmmmm, crackers would go nicely with my soup".  But then I thought "just walk on by, you have your planned food". And I did. And my soup and the low fat crackers I brought were just fine (I'm trying to convince myself they were way better than any Keebler Club cracker....)

This is the way I have to think.  I have to remind myself CONSTANTLY that I don't have to eat everything in my path.  I don't have to grab, hoard or stuff food in my face because it's there.  A saying that I try to remember is "That is not the last slice of pizza on earth".  And that fits anything that I see. I have to get back in the habit of reminding myself of that as I walk past all the homemade goodies and candy laying around.
One minute at a time.
One hour, one day at a time.
I can overcome emotional eating and compulsive overeating,
I can pass up temptation and exhibit Impulse Control.

I can.
I can and I will.

Today Part 2 - Triggers

I feel like I've minimized the impact last night's conversation had on me.  Yes, it motivated me to get my arse back in gear. To get to the gym, to eat healthier today.  But that's not all.

It hurt.  It hurts.  It really, really hurts.  And it makes me mad.  Really mad.  And I'm fighting like a beast not to let it be the world's biggest trigger for my emotional eating.  Because food loves me like I am, it's happy to console me.  Lumps and bumps?  Food does not care.  

I have all my apps updated:  LoseIt!, FitBit, goals set on MapMyWalk, everything I need to keep myself accountable and on track.  But who will help my heart and my brain to say that a ite of something won't be so good. That I'll regret those bites.

Tonight is a work Christmas party.  Word is that the menu will have prime rib, vegetarian lasagna, and of course, desserts to die for.  Recipe for disaster for an emotional eater on this trigger heavy day.  

Ouch. Honesty hurts.

Part 1 today:

The gym:  I did it.  I had a great workout, brought out some of my old workouts when I was with the personal trainer and did a combination of cardio and bodyweight work, there was sweat.  And that felt good.

But I have to talk about what happened after my post last night.  My family, I love them.  I really, really love them.  One of the things my husband and I really emphasize with our boys is honesty.  We would rather know the truth and have to deal with it than to find out later about things. And we had to have an honest talk last night.  And the honest feedback last night:  my health is a concern.  And by health there is a definite emphasis on weight.  I have let it go too far, too bad and too much.  I know this. But hearing it from the faces I love?  Ouch. OMG. Hurt. So sad.  But, it was honest, and it was out of love and concern. And for preserving life and love.  So there's that.  I have to do this for me, but there is more at stake.

I have young boys.  Active young boys and a desire to keep up with them.  I don't want to be on the sidelines, unable to participate.  I want to be that fit, fab Mom and wife.  I want healthy.  I want energy.  And I want so much more.

Honesty. Gotta love it.

Bring On The Week

Tomorrow starts a new week and health is on the agenda.

--- Gym back packed
--- Gym clothes laid out for early morning workout before work

That's it so far.  But after a full weekend of soccer tournament and getting zero chores (laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping), it's a pretty good start.  I'm lucky that I'm within easy distance of healthy food for lunch at work, and tomorrow night I'll be prepared for grocery shopping with a list of all the good stuff I need and want.  I had some greek yogurt with honey and blueberries Friday.....so good.  And I got a great surprise when I found 6 healthy ready to pick pomegranates on a sad little tree we have, got the arils all out of three and am looking forward to snacking on those.

Lots more ground to cover, but I'm headed the right way, bring on the week!

Distractions

Today was my first full day with my Facebook account out of my reach.  It's still active, but the application itself is deleted off my phone, so I have no way to access it.

I won't lie.  I found myself wishing here and there that I could get on, but the feeling passed quickly and I reminded myself that I should be looking around me and experiencing the day, not buried inside an electronic device.

Today I was proud of myself for getting out and walking, for going by myself and getting it done.  It was a beautiful COLD morning, and staying in my warm bed would have been easy enough to do.  But I had laid out my clothes last night and told myself I would go.  With no one expecting me, or meeting me, ignoring all that would have been easy.  So big gold star for me!  3 miles of hilly trail in the cold air!

But it didn't make my eating perfect, and because so much of my eating is linked to emotions, it was a hard day.  Being at our youngest son's soccer tournament was fun, it was exciting, it was a beautiful sunny day with friends and family.  But I also feel as though I faked my way through most of it.  The world is full of distractions and I feel like they are shinier than me, more exciting than me, preferred over me.  And feeling like that is a huge trigger for eating. This is what I hope to work on more over the next 30 days (and beyond).   Find a better, healthier, smarter say to deal with those emotions.  And to find out how to talk about them.  How not to distract myself with food.

There are always distractions. Now to figure out the good ones.

I'm Baaaaaack! Again....

I'm so excited, not just to be back, but to actually be back.  I have spent the last day trying to get logged back in to this blog, Google + messed me up and there was some serious "I'm NOT a computer person" frustration happening to get here.  But I'm here.

And I'm back.  Again.  Over a year later.  A lot has happened in this year, but I won't bore the place up with all those stories.  Bottom line, I haven't done a lot of what I intended, including getting healthy.

I had a cervical spine fusion at C4-5 in January 2014, and I worked out with my personal trainer up to the day before surgery and was back at it as soon as I could.  And then I wasn't.  From then to now....40 lbs.  Yes. 40 lbs.  I said it out loud.  40 freaking oh my god what the hell was I thinking pounds.  Almost 4 years to the day of the last one, I had a fat girl meltdown.  I have had to pack up all the cute clothes I was wearing last year to make way for the fat clothes, and I hate my fat clothes.  I hate the idea of spending any money on them because I never intend to wear them long.

But not looking good, and not wearing nice clothes that I'm proud of or feel sexy, fashionable, comfortable in, that takes it's own toll, a spiral into the blahs.

The answer isn't nicer, cuter, newer fat clothes.  It's packing away the fat clothes (in the donate bin!!!) and getting myself healthy and fit enough to wear the cute stuff I packed up.

I've done 30 Day Muchness Challenges in the past.  I've loved them, I've posted, taken pictures and shared on Facebook.  But this one, this challenge to myself to get healthy, and not be fat, well, that is too scary, too personal for FB.  So I challenged myself to delete FB off my phone and focus on health, not drama.  Me, not all the easy to compare to people and lives in my news feed.  So here I am.  This is where I'll lay it out, my progress, frustrations, decisions and tracking of better choices.

30 days.  Every day.
I'm back.