Today was my first full day with my Facebook account out of my reach. It's still active, but the application itself is deleted off my phone, so I have no way to access it.
I won't lie. I found myself wishing here and there that I could get on, but the feeling passed quickly and I reminded myself that I should be looking around me and experiencing the day, not buried inside an electronic device.
Today I was proud of myself for getting out and walking, for going by myself and getting it done. It was a beautiful COLD morning, and staying in my warm bed would have been easy enough to do. But I had laid out my clothes last night and told myself I would go. With no one expecting me, or meeting me, ignoring all that would have been easy. So big gold star for me! 3 miles of hilly trail in the cold air!
But it didn't make my eating perfect, and because so much of my eating is linked to emotions, it was a hard day. Being at our youngest son's soccer tournament was fun, it was exciting, it was a beautiful sunny day with friends and family. But I also feel as though I faked my way through most of it. The world is full of distractions and I feel like they are shinier than me, more exciting than me, preferred over me. And feeling like that is a huge trigger for eating. This is what I hope to work on more over the next 30 days (and beyond). Find a better, healthier, smarter say to deal with those emotions. And to find out how to talk about them. How not to distract myself with food.
There are always distractions. Now to figure out the good ones.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Friday, December 4, 2015
I'm Baaaaaack! Again....
I'm so excited, not just to be back, but to actually be back. I have spent the last day trying to get logged back in to this blog, Google + messed me up and there was some serious "I'm NOT a computer person" frustration happening to get here. But I'm here.
And I'm back. Again. Over a year later. A lot has happened in this year, but I won't bore the place up with all those stories. Bottom line, I haven't done a lot of what I intended, including getting healthy.
I had a cervical spine fusion at C4-5 in January 2014, and I worked out with my personal trainer up to the day before surgery and was back at it as soon as I could. And then I wasn't. From then to now....40 lbs. Yes. 40 lbs. I said it out loud. 40 freaking oh my god what the hell was I thinking pounds. Almost 4 years to the day of the last one, I had a fat girl meltdown. I have had to pack up all the cute clothes I was wearing last year to make way for the fat clothes, and I hate my fat clothes. I hate the idea of spending any money on them because I never intend to wear them long.
But not looking good, and not wearing nice clothes that I'm proud of or feel sexy, fashionable, comfortable in, that takes it's own toll, a spiral into the blahs.
The answer isn't nicer, cuter, newer fat clothes. It's packing away the fat clothes (in the donate bin!!!) and getting myself healthy and fit enough to wear the cute stuff I packed up.
I've done 30 Day Muchness Challenges in the past. I've loved them, I've posted, taken pictures and shared on Facebook. But this one, this challenge to myself to get healthy, and not be fat, well, that is too scary, too personal for FB. So I challenged myself to delete FB off my phone and focus on health, not drama. Me, not all the easy to compare to people and lives in my news feed. So here I am. This is where I'll lay it out, my progress, frustrations, decisions and tracking of better choices.
30 days. Every day.
I'm back.
And I'm back. Again. Over a year later. A lot has happened in this year, but I won't bore the place up with all those stories. Bottom line, I haven't done a lot of what I intended, including getting healthy.
I had a cervical spine fusion at C4-5 in January 2014, and I worked out with my personal trainer up to the day before surgery and was back at it as soon as I could. And then I wasn't. From then to now....40 lbs. Yes. 40 lbs. I said it out loud. 40 freaking oh my god what the hell was I thinking pounds. Almost 4 years to the day of the last one, I had a fat girl meltdown. I have had to pack up all the cute clothes I was wearing last year to make way for the fat clothes, and I hate my fat clothes. I hate the idea of spending any money on them because I never intend to wear them long.
But not looking good, and not wearing nice clothes that I'm proud of or feel sexy, fashionable, comfortable in, that takes it's own toll, a spiral into the blahs.
The answer isn't nicer, cuter, newer fat clothes. It's packing away the fat clothes (in the donate bin!!!) and getting myself healthy and fit enough to wear the cute stuff I packed up.
I've done 30 Day Muchness Challenges in the past. I've loved them, I've posted, taken pictures and shared on Facebook. But this one, this challenge to myself to get healthy, and not be fat, well, that is too scary, too personal for FB. So I challenged myself to delete FB off my phone and focus on health, not drama. Me, not all the easy to compare to people and lives in my news feed. So here I am. This is where I'll lay it out, my progress, frustrations, decisions and tracking of better choices.
30 days. Every day.
I'm back.
Monday, June 2, 2014
It's Time
Oh my gosh! It has been a really, really, REALLY long time since I've written here. So much has gone on: Work and job changes, weight loss and weight gain, surgery and just plain old life.
I decided yesterday that I needed to let go of Facebook for a while, it's just too disruptive and takes up too much of my time. And that's because I have such a nosy personality, I always feel the need to keep checking to see what is changing, who's doing what and overall just letting it suck time away from my family and from me.
So here I am. And this is where I should be because it's time for me. It's time for me to focus on getting back to where I was physically before surgery (I had to have cervical spinal surgery in January) because I can't seem to get a grasp on what to do and to flat get the motivation to eat right and do what I know to do. Part of it is because I am no longer working with my trainer. Between surgery and him leaving my gym, I feel a bit like a lost soul wandering about the gym. I worked out a lot on my own as well, but he was always there, watching and keeping an eye to see if I was really working so I had a lot of accountability.
And accountability is definitely what it's time for. So I'm back here. And I'm going to be accountable to who knows who or what.....but I'm going to imagine that thousands are waiting with baited breath to read what I do next....haha.
At least tonight I took the initiative and got myself out for a walk....after my first 8 hour day back to work after surgery, that was an effort. But I did it and it felt good.
It was, and is, time. For this. For Me.
I decided yesterday that I needed to let go of Facebook for a while, it's just too disruptive and takes up too much of my time. And that's because I have such a nosy personality, I always feel the need to keep checking to see what is changing, who's doing what and overall just letting it suck time away from my family and from me.
So here I am. And this is where I should be because it's time for me. It's time for me to focus on getting back to where I was physically before surgery (I had to have cervical spinal surgery in January) because I can't seem to get a grasp on what to do and to flat get the motivation to eat right and do what I know to do. Part of it is because I am no longer working with my trainer. Between surgery and him leaving my gym, I feel a bit like a lost soul wandering about the gym. I worked out a lot on my own as well, but he was always there, watching and keeping an eye to see if I was really working so I had a lot of accountability.
And accountability is definitely what it's time for. So I'm back here. And I'm going to be accountable to who knows who or what.....but I'm going to imagine that thousands are waiting with baited breath to read what I do next....haha.
At least tonight I took the initiative and got myself out for a walk....after my first 8 hour day back to work after surgery, that was an effort. But I did it and it felt good.
It was, and is, time. For this. For Me.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Exercise and Me
Tonight's post is a cheat, I copied it from my Muchness post today at FindingMyMuchness.com. But it's today's thoughts and achievements.
I haven't posted in a while, but I'm always thinking about Muchness. Once you do your 30 day challenge and dig deep to find your Muchness, you just can't lose it. You think about it when you see something pretty, shiny, inspiring, heartwarming....anything that gives you that little happy tingle.
What I have today is so not what I would have ever expected to say was one of those above. Yes, I got a tingle, but it's all different, let me explain.
So the word that I have to say is causing this Muchy Muchness feeling, isn't really a word, it's actually an acronym: HIIT This stands for High Intensity Interval Training.
And it's kicking my ass.
See, for those who read my earlier 30 day challenge, you know how I feel about the elliptical. I don't. I hate it. Well, I hated it. But because of my ankle issues, it's a must do instead of the treadmill so I decided to suffer through and start on it.
I have always considered myself somewhat athletic, always like to be out and moving around and exercising in some shape or form. And when I made it to the gym for any consecutive pattern (hey!!! 1 time a week for 3 weeks is a pattern!!!), I threw around phrases like "During my workout..." "At my gym...." "I work out" like the athlete I considered myself to be. I mean, I looked official. I wore the clothes, the shoes, carried a towel and a bottle of water...that's me, worked out. I'd putz around the treadmill, lift weights at a few of the machines, wipe my dry brow with my always dry towel and pat myself on the back for a job well done. I mean, what were people complaining about?
I need to back up a few steps....a few months ago I had a meltdown. I messaged all my beautiful women friends on FB and told them I was fat, I hated my body and I had to admit that I have a problem with food. It hurt, it was painful and it sucked to face the reality of what I had done to myself and where I was. I sent my husband a long email outlining my failures and sadness and from him and my friends, I received the most beautiful responses of support and love and inspiration. And so I kind of started to work out, and to kind of watch my eating....but I didn't get serious.
Fast forward to the beginning of March this year. It was time to go for it. I had big changes in my life, a new job, new responsibilities, house hunting, lots of stuff and I needed to focus. So, I started tackling the elliptical....5 sad minutes one day, 8 the next....and some half assed weight lifting at the machines. Not really doing what I needed but at least I was eating better and starting to lose some weight.
Then came Alyssa. My friend Alyssa at work challenged me to join her in the Self Magazine Drop 10 challenge and do their workouts. "Sure, why not?" I thought. "I work out." No I didn't. I showed up. I started doing the toning exercises and was a hot mess. Then came the HIIT workouts......sprints on the elliptical. WTH??? But I had to try. The first, sprint 8 seconds, rest 12 seconds. Seriously, they think I can rest in 12 seconds? I couldn't even catch my breath enough to get a freaking drink! 8 seconds has never felt SO long in my lifef. But I did it, I finished it to the end and walked away with pride. Then came today....sprint 90 seconds, rest 3 minutes. I won't lie. It wasn't pretty, I huffed and puffed, and I sweated, heck, even my forearms were sweaty!!!! And this week, for the first time, I actually USED my towel for more than an accessory. And I realized I really DO need more than one bottle of water. And I had to sit for 10 minutes in the equipment room to cool off. But I did it. I DID IT!!!! For me, a victory I never saw coming, but I DID IT!!!
Besides the fact that I feel like I conquered a massive obstacle, I've lost 12 lbs. this month, 3 of those since I started the HIIT workouts. And I'm losing inches, but I only measured myself tonight so I don't know the total. I owe Alyssa a huge thank you, even if I do curse her a little during the supposed rest periods :-) And I owe my husband an even bigger thank you, because ever since I poured my sad fat heart out to him, he has been the most amazing cheerleader in my journey, I don't think there's anyone who wants to see me succeed more than he does.
So HIIT has made me incredibly Muchy today....and even more again in the coming weeks (I'm faking bravado....I just peeked ahead to next weeks workouts :/ But I'm going to do it, because I need to keep making MYSELF proud too!
I haven't posted in a while, but I'm always thinking about Muchness. Once you do your 30 day challenge and dig deep to find your Muchness, you just can't lose it. You think about it when you see something pretty, shiny, inspiring, heartwarming....anything that gives you that little happy tingle.
What I have today is so not what I would have ever expected to say was one of those above. Yes, I got a tingle, but it's all different, let me explain.
So the word that I have to say is causing this Muchy Muchness feeling, isn't really a word, it's actually an acronym: HIIT This stands for High Intensity Interval Training.
And it's kicking my ass.
See, for those who read my earlier 30 day challenge, you know how I feel about the elliptical. I don't. I hate it. Well, I hated it. But because of my ankle issues, it's a must do instead of the treadmill so I decided to suffer through and start on it.
I have always considered myself somewhat athletic, always like to be out and moving around and exercising in some shape or form. And when I made it to the gym for any consecutive pattern (hey!!! 1 time a week for 3 weeks is a pattern!!!), I threw around phrases like "During my workout..." "At my gym...." "I work out" like the athlete I considered myself to be. I mean, I looked official. I wore the clothes, the shoes, carried a towel and a bottle of water...that's me, worked out. I'd putz around the treadmill, lift weights at a few of the machines, wipe my dry brow with my always dry towel and pat myself on the back for a job well done. I mean, what were people complaining about?
I need to back up a few steps....a few months ago I had a meltdown. I messaged all my beautiful women friends on FB and told them I was fat, I hated my body and I had to admit that I have a problem with food. It hurt, it was painful and it sucked to face the reality of what I had done to myself and where I was. I sent my husband a long email outlining my failures and sadness and from him and my friends, I received the most beautiful responses of support and love and inspiration. And so I kind of started to work out, and to kind of watch my eating....but I didn't get serious.
Fast forward to the beginning of March this year. It was time to go for it. I had big changes in my life, a new job, new responsibilities, house hunting, lots of stuff and I needed to focus. So, I started tackling the elliptical....5 sad minutes one day, 8 the next....and some half assed weight lifting at the machines. Not really doing what I needed but at least I was eating better and starting to lose some weight.
Then came Alyssa. My friend Alyssa at work challenged me to join her in the Self Magazine Drop 10 challenge and do their workouts. "Sure, why not?" I thought. "I work out." No I didn't. I showed up. I started doing the toning exercises and was a hot mess. Then came the HIIT workouts......sprints on the elliptical. WTH??? But I had to try. The first, sprint 8 seconds, rest 12 seconds. Seriously, they think I can rest in 12 seconds? I couldn't even catch my breath enough to get a freaking drink! 8 seconds has never felt SO long in my lifef. But I did it, I finished it to the end and walked away with pride. Then came today....sprint 90 seconds, rest 3 minutes. I won't lie. It wasn't pretty, I huffed and puffed, and I sweated, heck, even my forearms were sweaty!!!! And this week, for the first time, I actually USED my towel for more than an accessory. And I realized I really DO need more than one bottle of water. And I had to sit for 10 minutes in the equipment room to cool off. But I did it. I DID IT!!!! For me, a victory I never saw coming, but I DID IT!!!
Besides the fact that I feel like I conquered a massive obstacle, I've lost 12 lbs. this month, 3 of those since I started the HIIT workouts. And I'm losing inches, but I only measured myself tonight so I don't know the total. I owe Alyssa a huge thank you, even if I do curse her a little during the supposed rest periods :-) And I owe my husband an even bigger thank you, because ever since I poured my sad fat heart out to him, he has been the most amazing cheerleader in my journey, I don't think there's anyone who wants to see me succeed more than he does.
So HIIT has made me incredibly Muchy today....and even more again in the coming weeks (I'm faking bravado....I just peeked ahead to next weeks workouts :/ But I'm going to do it, because I need to keep making MYSELF proud too!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Staying Motivated
Allrighty! Three weeks of solid workouts and following my food plan and I am feeling GREAT!!!!
I've started craving the exercise and even though it is hailing and raining outside, I just want to run out and go for a walk, but I'll probably be figuring out an alternative indoor workout instead: Hey, the Wii skiing works those thighs!!! :-)
One accomplishment this week that I am most proud of, sprints on the elliptical. As some readers know, I despise the elliptical. When my ankle issue was diagnosed and I was told to stay off the treadmill and only use the elliptical, I asked the Dr what was a worse scenario? A blown up ankle or a heart attack? And I was serious.
But I decided two weeks ago to tackle it. First, I got all of 10 minutes and then slowly added minutes. On Friday, I went for 30 minutes and every 3 did 1 minute sprints. Oh, it wasn't pretty and I was literally a hot mess, but I did it. And even with my fatigued legs, heavy breathing and sweaty body, I did a happy dance to have done it. I nearly gave up a few times through. I mean, nobody but me would know right? But here's the thing....I have a commitment to be honest with myself, and put me first. And that includes being accountable to myself. So I was. And I am proud of myself...so very very proud.
Let's see what tomorrow's workout brings!!!
I've started craving the exercise and even though it is hailing and raining outside, I just want to run out and go for a walk, but I'll probably be figuring out an alternative indoor workout instead: Hey, the Wii skiing works those thighs!!! :-)
One accomplishment this week that I am most proud of, sprints on the elliptical. As some readers know, I despise the elliptical. When my ankle issue was diagnosed and I was told to stay off the treadmill and only use the elliptical, I asked the Dr what was a worse scenario? A blown up ankle or a heart attack? And I was serious.
But I decided two weeks ago to tackle it. First, I got all of 10 minutes and then slowly added minutes. On Friday, I went for 30 minutes and every 3 did 1 minute sprints. Oh, it wasn't pretty and I was literally a hot mess, but I did it. And even with my fatigued legs, heavy breathing and sweaty body, I did a happy dance to have done it. I nearly gave up a few times through. I mean, nobody but me would know right? But here's the thing....I have a commitment to be honest with myself, and put me first. And that includes being accountable to myself. So I was. And I am proud of myself...so very very proud.
Let's see what tomorrow's workout brings!!!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Working It Out
So, I've been doing it. Taking care of myself again and doing what I need to. Yes, that means diet and exercise, which could be boring and hard but I've decided to try to make it fun. Make it a challenge. See, I'm a kind of competitive girl. So there is a weight loss challenge going on at work and I joined. There is a money prize at the end and I'm always motivated by extra money!
So that challenge got me kick started. Not to mention talking with someone who doesn't know me, but is someone who knows anyone she talks to. She re-inspired and re-focused me on the issues I need to address with both my weight and my health. But she did it so postively and with a loving message, something I really needed.
I have made it to the gym three times in each of the last two weeks, and I have to admit that despite the early mornings to do it, I'm enjoying being back. And get this: I'm doing the elliptical. Yes. Me. The elliptical. See, if you don't know me, you don't realize that I FEAR the elliptical. Wait, change that, FEARED the elliptical. I used to do 3-5 minutes and that was me done. But with the ankle problems I have, the treadmill and other impact activities are kinda out for me so I have to do the elliptical if I want to work out pain free. So I decided to start small....5minutes, 10 minutes and yesterday....25 minutes straight on the elliptical. For me, that is MONUMENTAL!!! And do you know what??? If I hadn't need to go get ready for work, I think I might actually have eeked out another 2 or 3 minutes....lol. And then another challenge...the gym is doing a 6 week weight loss challenge so I bought into that one too. So now competitive me has TWO potential money awards...hehehe...whatever it takes right?
But I'm down 6 pounds and I feel good about it. I feel good about all of it and that's what I intend to carry into the coming week with me. I read a book a while back called "Confessions of a Former Fat Girl" and seriously, she could have been me. Her attitude, personality, everything...and she was right about one secret. Start moving. Once you start realizing that you can do that, that you are strong and capable, the rest will follow. And it is following. But with that I have to say....I may be following, but here I come!
So that challenge got me kick started. Not to mention talking with someone who doesn't know me, but is someone who knows anyone she talks to. She re-inspired and re-focused me on the issues I need to address with both my weight and my health. But she did it so postively and with a loving message, something I really needed.
I have made it to the gym three times in each of the last two weeks, and I have to admit that despite the early mornings to do it, I'm enjoying being back. And get this: I'm doing the elliptical. Yes. Me. The elliptical. See, if you don't know me, you don't realize that I FEAR the elliptical. Wait, change that, FEARED the elliptical. I used to do 3-5 minutes and that was me done. But with the ankle problems I have, the treadmill and other impact activities are kinda out for me so I have to do the elliptical if I want to work out pain free. So I decided to start small....5minutes, 10 minutes and yesterday....25 minutes straight on the elliptical. For me, that is MONUMENTAL!!! And do you know what??? If I hadn't need to go get ready for work, I think I might actually have eeked out another 2 or 3 minutes....lol. And then another challenge...the gym is doing a 6 week weight loss challenge so I bought into that one too. So now competitive me has TWO potential money awards...hehehe...whatever it takes right?
But I'm down 6 pounds and I feel good about it. I feel good about all of it and that's what I intend to carry into the coming week with me. I read a book a while back called "Confessions of a Former Fat Girl" and seriously, she could have been me. Her attitude, personality, everything...and she was right about one secret. Start moving. Once you start realizing that you can do that, that you are strong and capable, the rest will follow. And it is following. But with that I have to say....I may be following, but here I come!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Deja Freaking Vu
It's February 27th, and all my talk in December, well, I did it. I talked and for a period of time I actually followed it. But yes, stress and work and life, all the usual excuses happened. I have let myself talk myself into all of them, and I have no excuse for that.
But I had an intersting conversation yesterday, kind of hard to explain, but with someone who helped me talk to myself. Does that make ANY sense? Well, it does in my head so yes, it does. Anyway, "we" talked about how I get sabotaged when I begin to succeed. That I allow myself to believe that I am not really going to succeed so why should I continue? That I allow myself to let the doubts of others get in my way. And that despite what I have believed all this time, I am NOT my biggest saboteur. I'm not. And I have a good idea of who it has been in the past and who it is in the now. Identifying that, believing that, it's powerful. It's powerful to believe that I, get this, ACTUALLY HAVE CONTROL over this. I can ignore the haters, the doubters and those that need to keep me in their safe zone. In their safe zone, they know how to handle me, they know what to expect and it doesn't upset any apple carts.
But look out apples and carts, because I'm going to upset you all. That is my goal, not just the necessary weight loss, the quest for health, but to flip the almighty bird to the ones who don't want me to succeed, and think I can't.
I love to be told I can't. Because I know I can.
So, gym this morning and an actual full day of low carb diet. This is my plan for the time being, let's see how it goes!
P/S: Just for clarification, my husband is NOT the sabotager in my life. He is my biggest supporter and champion of finding myself and for my happiness. I think most people automatically assume that the husband is a likely culprit and I wanted to make sure I was clear :-)
But I had an intersting conversation yesterday, kind of hard to explain, but with someone who helped me talk to myself. Does that make ANY sense? Well, it does in my head so yes, it does. Anyway, "we" talked about how I get sabotaged when I begin to succeed. That I allow myself to believe that I am not really going to succeed so why should I continue? That I allow myself to let the doubts of others get in my way. And that despite what I have believed all this time, I am NOT my biggest saboteur. I'm not. And I have a good idea of who it has been in the past and who it is in the now. Identifying that, believing that, it's powerful. It's powerful to believe that I, get this, ACTUALLY HAVE CONTROL over this. I can ignore the haters, the doubters and those that need to keep me in their safe zone. In their safe zone, they know how to handle me, they know what to expect and it doesn't upset any apple carts.
But look out apples and carts, because I'm going to upset you all. That is my goal, not just the necessary weight loss, the quest for health, but to flip the almighty bird to the ones who don't want me to succeed, and think I can't.
I love to be told I can't. Because I know I can.
So, gym this morning and an actual full day of low carb diet. This is my plan for the time being, let's see how it goes!
P/S: Just for clarification, my husband is NOT the sabotager in my life. He is my biggest supporter and champion of finding myself and for my happiness. I think most people automatically assume that the husband is a likely culprit and I wanted to make sure I was clear :-)
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