Staying Motivated

Allrighty!  Three weeks of solid workouts and following my food plan and I am feeling GREAT!!!!

I've started craving the exercise and even though it is hailing and raining outside, I just want to run out and go for a walk, but I'll probably be figuring out an alternative indoor workout instead:  Hey, the Wii skiing works those thighs!!! :-)

One accomplishment this week that I am most proud of, sprints on the elliptical.  As some readers know, I despise the elliptical.  When my ankle issue was diagnosed and I was told to stay off the treadmill and only use the elliptical, I asked the Dr what was a worse scenario?  A blown up ankle or a heart attack?  And I was serious.

But I decided two weeks ago to tackle it.  First, I got all of 10 minutes and then slowly added minutes.  On Friday, I went for 30 minutes and every 3 did 1 minute sprints.  Oh, it wasn't pretty and I was literally a hot mess, but I did it.  And even with my fatigued legs, heavy breathing and sweaty body, I did a happy dance to have done it.  I nearly gave up a few times through.  I mean, nobody but me would know right?  But here's the thing....I have a commitment to be honest with myself, and put me first.  And that includes being accountable to myself.  So I was.  And I am proud of myself...so very very proud.

Let's see what tomorrow's workout brings!!!

Working It Out

So, I've been doing it.  Taking care of myself again and doing what I need to.  Yes, that means diet and exercise, which could be boring and hard but I've decided to try to make it fun.  Make it a challenge.  See, I'm a kind of competitive girl.  So there is a weight loss challenge going on at work and I joined.  There is a money prize at the end and I'm always motivated by extra money!

So that challenge got me kick started.  Not to mention talking with someone who doesn't know me, but is someone who knows anyone she talks to.  She re-inspired and re-focused me on the issues I need to address with both my weight and my health.  But she did it so postively and with a loving message, something I really needed.

I have made it to the gym three times in each of the last two weeks, and I have to admit that despite the early mornings to do it, I'm enjoying being back.  And get this:  I'm doing the elliptical.  Yes. Me. The elliptical.  See, if you don't know me, you don't realize that I FEAR the elliptical.  Wait, change that, FEARED the elliptical.  I used to do 3-5 minutes and that was me done.  But with the ankle problems I have, the treadmill and other impact activities are kinda out for me so I have to do the elliptical if I want to work out pain free.  So I decided to start small....5minutes, 10 minutes and yesterday....25 minutes straight on the elliptical.  For me, that is MONUMENTAL!!! And do you know what??? If I hadn't need to go get ready for work, I think I might actually have eeked out another 2 or 3 minutes....lol.  And then another challenge...the gym is doing a 6 week weight loss challenge so I bought into that one too.  So now competitive me has TWO potential money awards...hehehe...whatever it takes right?

But I'm down 6 pounds and I feel good about it.  I feel good about all of it and that's what I intend to carry into the coming week with me.  I read a book a while back called "Confessions of a Former Fat Girl" and seriously, she could have been me.  Her attitude, personality, everything...and she was right about one secret.  Start moving.  Once you start realizing that you can do that, that you are strong and capable, the rest will follow.  And it is following.  But with that I have to say....I may be following, but here I come!

Deja Freaking Vu

It's February 27th, and all my talk in December, well, I did it.  I talked and for a period of time I actually followed it.  But yes, stress and work and life, all the usual excuses happened. I have let myself talk myself into all of them, and I have no excuse for that.

But I had an intersting conversation yesterday, kind of hard to explain, but with someone who helped me talk to myself. Does that make ANY sense?  Well, it does in my head so yes, it does.  Anyway, "we" talked about how I get sabotaged when I begin to succeed.  That I allow myself to believe that I am not really going to succeed so why should I continue?  That I allow myself to let the doubts of others get in my way.  And that despite what I have believed all this time, I am NOT my biggest saboteur.  I'm not.  And I have a good idea of who it has been in the past and who it is in the now.  Identifying that, believing that, it's powerful.  It's powerful to believe that I, get this, ACTUALLY HAVE CONTROL over this.  I can ignore the haters, the doubters and those that need to keep me in their safe zone.  In their safe zone, they know how to handle me, they know what to expect and it doesn't upset any apple carts.

But look out apples and carts, because I'm going to upset you all.  That is my goal, not just the necessary weight loss, the quest for health, but to flip the almighty bird to the ones who don't want me to succeed, and think I can't.

I love to be told I can't.  Because I know I can.

So, gym this morning and an actual full day of low carb diet.  This is my plan for the time being, let's see how it goes!

P/S: Just for clarification, my husband is NOT the sabotager in my life.  He is my biggest supporter and champion of finding myself and for my happiness.  I think most people automatically assume that the husband is a likely culprit and I wanted to make sure I was clear :-)

Start Fresh - Fresh Start

Already....so yes, that means I pigged out.
It's the stress, I can't seem to stop myself when I'm stressed, but I also blame not having brought adequate food of my own, so tonight I packed more appropriately and am feeling ready for tomorrow.

The one good thing:  I caught myself.  Not before, but not as long after as the past. So I'll take that as a teeny tiny baby step.  I haven't been to any meetings this week,and not sure how next week will work since the one I like is on Monday and that's a holiday, AND a workday for me.  The busiest workday of the year so I need to be fully prepared and get myself prepared for what it will be like:  stressful and maniacal.  Not a good mix for me and my eating habits, but I'm trying to plan.

I also need to start thinking about a food program.  Something to follow (Weight Watchers, Atkins, ????) because some guidance is good.  Weight Watchers always worked for me because of the accountability of the weekly weigh ins, but I like the way the weight comes off with Atkins, my body really seems to respond to that.  Maybe a combination?  Something to ponder.

Ready for the freshest start EVER.

Surviving the Holidays?

I don't know if I can say I've been "great" for the holidays, but I can say this:  Not as a justification but I gave myself permission to just chill for the holidays. Not to eat everything I wanted, but not to stress about it.  And strangely, not that I ate like a bird, but I didn't pig out as much as I'd thought I might. 

But I have to take back that permission because it's too close to saying I don't have a problem, or that I am in any shape or form in control of my eating.  Because I'm not.  But I'm recognizing and admitting it...I just have to get better about acting on it. 

New Year, New Attitude, New Habits

Maintaining is a bitch

My goal through the holidays is to maintain.  Maintain my weight and use this time to really look at my eating habits, figure out what it is that drives me to eat, why I feel the need to grab food and what I'm feeling when it happens.

One big thing I'm noticing...and I knew this...I'm a serious stress eater.  When my brain is spinning, I seem to find some sort of grounding by grabbing food.  It wouldn't be so bad if I was grabbing healthy food, so I need to figure out some snacks that won't be boring, but more importantly, I need to find a different coping mechanism.  I have an idea I'm going to try through this next week.  Walk away.  If my brain is going too many directions, I'm going to try and pull it back into focus with a walk, even if it's just one lap around my floor.  Can't hurt right?

I made some good decisions today,and was able to turn down a huge chunk of my favorite cake:  red velvet from Nothing Bundt Cakes.  I compromised by having just a fork full.  I got to satisfy the taste, but didn't need the huge chunk I usually eat, gluttonous and unnecessary.

I also got to talk to a friend who is looking amazing. She's losing weight, but more importantly, really toning up.  She told me about the program she's using, and I might do it.  It might be my Christmas present to myself :-)  I deserve it right?

Disappointed

Ugh....I'm really disappointed in myself today.

I have been doing really well at work with not snacking.  I have walked by countless cubicles and desks and counter spaces covered in chocolates and cookies and candycanes and all that good stuff. All the easy to "drive by" foods.  I was thinking about it today and when I've done the crazy drive by eating before, I seem to have had this bizarre theory:  If no one saw me eat it, then I must not have.  Kind of a fat person's version of "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"  It's amazing the ways I find that I have used to excuse myself for eating.

Today was such a day.  After all the realizations I had, and doing as well as I did with all the baking I've done (not perfect, but better), I screwed up royally today. See, I've done a good job of clearing all the stuff out of my way, packaging it, delivering it and being gone with it, which helps.  Today I did something I'm finding I'm notorious for.  The food hoarding.

I took in a bag of all the extras in the house...the fudge, the sugar cookies, the pretzels, to put on my desk so everyone could help me get rid of it.  Which they would have given the chance.  Now, I did give away some, but there it was, sitting in my space, daring to smell good, look good and yes....taste good.  And I ate them.  Not every piece.  Not all of it.  But way more of it than I needed.  And I have to admit, I didn't make a very good effort at getting it out to other people...because I wanted it.  Epic fail in my goal of not being compulsive.

My name is Tine and I am a compulsive overeater. 

Tomorrow I will:
Work my tools
Eat only what I bring (breakfast, lunch and snacks are packed...NO EXCUSE!)
Call or talk to someone when I find myself feeling compulsive.