Sleep

I wish I could just lay down in my bed and fall fast asleep, not a care in the world.

If only it were that easy.

Ass Whoopings and Victories

It's Friday morning and I am wiped out.

First, getting up at 4:45 am for Boot Camp classes on Tuesday and Thursday and then again for a Spin class this morning.  OMG at the Spin class.  I have not been that physically exhausted from exercise in a long time. There is serious sweat in that class.  As in, my forearms were sweating and dripping on the floor.  Yes. My forearms.  My body had nowhere else to let it come out, it was flowing everywhere lol

But I did it.  So far out of my comfort zone but I did it.  The instructor told me I could take a break on the gears (basically the "incline" on the bike) but I actually kept up with those.  What I couldn't do so well:  the standing up and pedaling.  When did my legs get so weak????  I did finally do a few sets, AND the sprints. But OMG.  I'm tired.  I've also gotten in a couple garage workouts this week and a long walk with the dog.

And work today started with a sucker punch.  I basically didn't get something done and got my ass handed to me by my boss above my boss....you know that one.  Anyway, it sucked. Large.  I cried.  I might still be easily moved to cry again.  And that all sucks.

But there is a victory in there.  I am not eating my feelings. I am not running to the vending machine with all my money for chips and chocolate. I'm sticking with the food I brought, having my mid morning snack of vanilla greek yogurt and blueberries.  I'll be damned if I can add another reason to feel bad today so meal prep is saving my day!

Here's to whatever victories you can claim!

Food and Exercise.....It's On!

Despite what it seems like, I think about this blog a lot; what I'll write, what should or shouldn't be in it, do I have pictures?  That's all throughout my day.....and then I get home at night and after dinner, homework, etc., I'm asleep.

I feel as though I have finally gotten my head in a better place for tackling my eating.  This week I got out to the grocery store with a plan.  The plan included healthy dinners, and supplies for breakfast and lunches as well.  I tried my hand at meal prepping for the week and made all the food I need for lunches.  That includes chicken breasts (I made three, cut in half to 6 perfectly sized pieces and used three different seasonings so I have some variety), a large batch of fresh green beans and quinoa.  For the quinoa I added some Ro-Tel diced tomatoes and sweet corn, so yummy.  I've even had the quinoa for breakfast which was so satisfying.  This morning I had Ezekiel toast with avocado and a soft boiled egg, some sweet potato and fresh blackberries.

Here is yesterday, breakfast and lunch:

And today's breakfast:

And dinner last night.....baked salmon, Brussels sprouts and wild brown rice and quinoa.


So that's the food side of things, now for the exercise.  My foot is finally feeling way better, and I've been slowly adding time and load on it.  I got in a couple walks over the weekend, plus play time in the snow (yay for our local mountains!) and bootcamp yesterday.  In fact yesterday was the first time I felt like I really worked my ass off in bootcamp.  For one reason, my foot, but also I think because I worked out with someone new (I usually work the circuit with an old friend, and we chat), but we didn't get counted off the same yesterday and got split off.  I worked out with a guy named Chris who has been taking the class about the same amount of time as me and where I started to quit, he pushed, and shockingly when he started to quit on burpees, I talked him into one more.  It felt great to walk out of there so sweaty and tired.

Woke up early and took a 2.25 mile walk this morning and if work isn't too crazy (I work from home today), I'll try to get 30 mins in the garage with some weights and bodyweight work.

This is the first time in quite a while that I'm feeling in control and positive about both my food choices and my exercise.  Each successful day builds the confidence to take on the next one, so I'll continue taking that as I can.  Keeping keeping on.

Good, Bad and Beautiful

So one good thing I did this morning....I got out for a hike.  It was cold, beautiful and slow....still nursing my foot.

One bad thing that no hike could fix:  I secretly ate.  This means I consciously ordered something I really had no business eating (a donut), which wouldn't be all bad, except that I chose to cram it in my mouth, wipe off the crumbs and toss the trash evidence before I got home and gave hubby and kids their donuts, like I never had one.

That is the lowest of compulsive eating behavior and one I haven't done in a long time.  And as much as I enjoyed the flavor of that donut, it makes me sick to think of how I ate it.  It would have been better to come home and eat it in font of everybody instead of eating a lie.

Onward and upward.

I'm Out There.....Anonymously

Sunday....Monday......and here I am on Tuesday.

I took a giant leap.

I created an Instagram account with no personal information to track my exercise and weight loss adventure.  I say adventure, not journey, because it sounds more fun :)  Anyway, this account has a real life picture of me as I am today, no face.  And it's horrible.  But hopefully it'll be one I brag with later when I'm where I want to be.  Scary, but then seriously, who will even know?  And I have no followers, and I am following no one............yet.  One thing I've found about Instagram that I really like is the health/weight loss/fitness community.  It's awesome.  And super supportive and like a big family.  I'm not quite ready to announce myself there, but I'll keep following under my personal account for now.  But there it is.

I was back at the gym yesterday morning, bright and early and trying to be creative for cardio since I can't really do any impact on my foot.  My solution:  the upright bike and the rowing machine.  I need to figure out the bike better to get a better workout, but it kept my foot happy.  The rowing machine is something I actually enjoy doing, I used to be pretty fast on it.  Baby steps back to that though.

Today was Boot Camp Tuesday, and I was so tempted to not get out of my bed.  My alarm went off, I was ready to go, then hubby snuggled up and fell back asleep and it was way too comfy and with the rain outside, easy to fall back asleep.  But I realized I'd be really pissed at myself later today, so I got up and out.  And I'm glad.  Lots of good work to be done in that class, and I was able to do a lot of modifications where impact was involved.  Looking forward to Thursday's class.

Now to slowly address the diet and eating.  But I'm getting there and I feel like I'm making way better choices than I used to. Even is I pick up something not so great for me, the quantities are so much less, and a taste will do it.  I'm having issues with my scale, so no weigh ins for now.  Hopefully when I'm able to use it, it'll be a happy surprise.  I ordered a book on Amazon from Shape Magazine, I really like their diet and exercise programs and this book supports both.  I'm hoping to get some good meal plans and grocery lists to help me out.  I know how to do this, I know how to cook light, but I'm in a blah state about my current cookbooks and am excited for an infusion of new ideas.

Day to day to day and day by day by day on the rest of what is going on in my life.  I'm trying to take as much joy as possible from the small moments, not putting so much pressure on having big moments.  A different set of baby steps.  But they all lead to good things.

Get Outside

After a couple of really busy days at work (and still working today and tomorrow), it was nice to be able to get out of the house with my family and go for a walk.  We headed first to Coronado Island, had a nice lunch in an "Irish" pub, walked some of the side streets with their quaint houses, and then headed down to the harbor.  We found that our worries of cold were for naught since it was a beautiful evening down there.

It seems the change of scenery was good for us all.  The boys played in a park for a bit and there was an ease and comfort in holding hands and walking that hadn't been there for a while.  I think that is something that should be an easy thing to work on.......touch.  The kind that comforts and just says "I know you're here.  And I want to be here with you." It means a lot and I didn't consciously realize how much I'd missed it.  I'll happily work on that.

Bad side of the long walk in my new cozy Ugg boots.....my foot and ankle are KILLING me again tonight, and I was doing so well :(  Back to ice, rest and ibuprofen.

Early to bed tonight with sweeter dreams.

Same or New?

Once again behind....but I have good intentions, really I do.  These last couple days have found me eating more than needed, comforting myself in food as I find so much sameness in a time where there is so much opportunity for change.

I need to reach down in the deepest parts of myself and figure out how to be an ambassador for that change. For me, my health - physically and emotionally. To be an advocate and champion of what I believe in and what I want to fight for.

But I also think it might be time for me to consider outside help, someone to help muddle through the emotions and the fear, the hurt and the rawness of what is being felt. The only question that remains: how many in my party will be attending?  Guess I have my first "to do" of the year.